In recent years, the dating stories I have been hearing all sound pretty similar. After two or three months of casually dating a girl, a guy feels like the girl wants something more serious, like a committed, monogamous relationship.
Then, the guy cuts it off, claiming not to be ready, or something to that extent.
In some of these cases, it could be true that a guy just isn’t interested in anything long-term. However, in many of these stories, it’s clear that while the guy may have genuinely really cared for and liked the girl, other preoccupations got in his way.
That’s the thing about your 20s: You’re still figuring things out. There’s a lot of pressure in society (and in human nature) for men to be established, successful and have enough experience with women before choosing to settle down.
Here are the three reasons that 20-something men – er, shall we say, “boys” – don’t want to have girlfriends, aside from the golden rule of “he’s just not that into you”:
1. Friends, Career And Other Priorities
Men in their 20s put so much attention and value into their “guy time.” As they get older, this need subsides and they start prioritizing their romantic relationships a bit more.
They also feel the pressure to dedicate time to their professional goals because they are at the bottom of the ladder, trying to work their way up.
Friend and career concerns are often a reason why men this age do not want long-term relationships. They want to focus on other priorities than love.
2. Emotionally Unavailable And Immature
Men at this age are usually very emotionally immature. They also have a tendency to not be emotionally available during this evolving period of their lives. They could be getting out of a different relationship, transitioning to a new job, moving to a new city or a number of other things that may be distracting them.
All of these stressors can interfere with them feeling emotionally ready for a girlfriend. They also don’t know what they want long-term or for what they are looking in a long-term girlfriend.
By being single and dating around — even if they are doing it without conscious awareness — they are working toward figuring it out.
3. Sexual Commitment And Seeking Other Sexual Experiences
Men at this age are in their sexual prime and are therefore, constantly in pursuit of novel sexual experiences. They also don’t have ticking biological clocks, so they know they have time to settle down and be sexually monogamous with a girl in the future.
They also don’t have the pressure to be committed because, let’s face it, many women in New York have no problem with casual sex. So, men don’t always feel the need to have a girlfriend with whom to have sex regularly.
The average 20-something guy could not want a girlfriend for one of these reasons, or maybe even all three.
So, what happens now if you are dating a guy in his 20s who is focused on his career to the point that he doesn’t have time for you — or maybe, he would rather spend time with his friends in his free time and/or maybe he sleeps around with other girls?
Well, the message I am sending is this: respect yourself enough to walk away from someone who isn’t making you happy because he’s not there for you the way you’d like him to be. You are his part-time, downtime or some time and you want him to be a committed boyfriend.
If the guy isn’t giving what you want and deserve, move on because else will undoubtedly be worth your time. One day, you will find a guy who doesn’t have one or all of these three reasons for not wanting a girlfriend.